Dear People-Pleasing,

Haven’t we come far enough? Or do we have to go even farther than this? And if you want to keep going, you can but must you pull me along every time?

      We have danced enough together in the never-ending waltz of self-sacrifice and overcommitment. Oh, how you have turned me into the human equivalent of a “sure, I can do that!” machine. I have now been so programmed to nod, smile and agree even when my heart screams no.

      I have to admit, you are truly something special. You have successfully wrapped me in the warm embrace of approval, feeding me breadcrumbs compliments just enough to keep me going and feed my starving heart which craves nothing but minute praises. You make me feel like I’m needed, irreplaceable, the good friend… but the truth is, I’m the “just enough” friend.

      I’m just enough to be called, but only when someone needs something, I’m just enough to be everyone’s helper. You have made everyone rely on me so much that I can’t rely on others. But where is the time to help myself when I’m too busy helping others? I am exhausted, can’t you see that?

You can’t cause you’re selfish. Let’s be honest. You would rather I exhaust myself than to face rejection. You don’t care about others you just want to be praised and accepted. And worse? You make me feel like the villain when I try to put myself first for once.

      Because of you, I am now convinced that my worth is measured by how well I can accommodate others and neglect myself, “No” has become a strange word I’m used to hearing but can’t speak. I have solved so many problems I have now put “problem solving” as a skill on my CV. Never would I have imagined that a trait birthed from kindness and empathy would lead me to neglect myself and cause resentment towards my friends because I have so much suppressed my feelings to avoid conflict. I have reduced my self-worth to depend on the approval of others.

      And yet… even with all these, you still have a strong hold on me. I find comfort with you. You are my beautifully destructive little habit. But I think it’s time to redefine our relationship. In some ways, you’ll always be part of me but it’s time to set some boundaries.

      The first ‘no’ I’m saying is to you. I will say no without guilt, I will take up space without apologizing and I will choose myself first over and over again before anyone else. And before you ask – no! I will not feel bad about it.

So, here’s to us, coexisting without me losing myself in the process.

                                                                                    Yours sincerely,

                                                                                           Me.