A quindecennial ago, the curtains rolled up on a little wonder girl. Within a twinkle of an eye, her life switched from the land of roses into that of thorns. Pain, sickness, and betrayal broke into her home when she least expected it. Perhaps, the little verse of scripture that describes the return of the Holy One like a thief in the middle of the night was fulfilled on that day. Unfortunately, she wasn’t blessed enough to be spared the consequences. It hurts me to remind her, but hey, her favorite left her at the time she needed Daddy the most. The memory of her last moment with him was not as quick as the last supper though they both bore the sting of betrayal. But then, did that really hurt as much as seeing the one who stayed, lifeless on a hospital bed? Caught between the anvil and the hammer, she wondered which would cut her sorrows off quicker. At that early age, a decade minus one, she began the journey of adulthood in a child’s body. She lived every day in resentment towards life. It was unfair to have chosen her for that role. “Why me?”, she asked. The extended family, friends, and loved ones were very helpful. However, everyone seemed to have forgotten about her existence. Money, attention, visits, were all for the sick woman she began to hate. She was her Mom but she couldn’t help it. She was just a child, lonely and frustrated, struggling to understand the situation she found herself in. She had needs, I mean, physical, financial, and most importantly, emotional. Yet, no one took notice. Indeed, her life lacked sweetness like Ama Ata Aidoo’s short story collection. Since that fateful day till many years after, it had been one war after another with life. The day she saw the day breaking the spine of the unending night, she realized the need to transform. The work began and life started afresh.

Hi! They call me Dorcas Elinam GBEDDY but I love being called Dorcas Elinam d’Aura. I am proud to announce myself as the older version of the wonder girl you read about in the first paragraph. Since the day I embarked on the journey, I haven’t written to her. Too bad of me, right? I know. Consequently, there are a little over a few things I would like to share with her in this letter. Please get it delivered to her as soon as possible.

It reads:

‘Dear Younger Me,

I know by now you understand that it's not necessary asking about your well-being. Evidently, you weren't so well. Looking back at how you maneuvered your way through the old days, I give you a standing ovation. You were strong and resilient despite all the reasons life gave you to throw in the towel. Currently, the picture is clearer, the perspective has changed, and knowledge has increased; “eyes clear”, I can boldly say. My Dear, I have a few words for you.

To be happy in life, accept the reality of things as quickly as you can. The anticipation of something better is like dancing by the hot oil “Daavi” uses to fry plantain for the special weekend “Gobe”. What if nothing changes? Focus on what is and let go of what was and what would have been. Be present and enjoy the moment.

Allow yourself to grow as nature has purposed. You were in a hurry to grow up. Why? What were you looking for? Who deceived you? Every second, minute, week, month, and year, was essential. How swift they all passed by without you realizing. You couldn't wait to put on a bra, finish school, and start braiding your hair. The last age I remember you spent slowly was 8. What happened to the rest? Till 20, what went wrong? Life is beautifully endowed with wonderful stages. They are all worth experiencing. Take note.

Baby Girl, you were always angry at the statement “you are the Girl Child, you should do the chores”, your brothers used to pass. Where is the lie? Aren't you the Girl Child? ‘But I am the last born’? That's certainly a great excuse. However, the truth will always be one; you are the Girl Child. Get up and learn all the ways of a good woman. Learn how to be a home builder and a home keeper. Be the first to wake up even when you're the last to retire to bed as Mom would always say. Get that house well cleaned, do the dishes, go to the market, prepare the meals, serve everyone, and get them satisfied. You wouldn't see the essence until you grow up. Today, I’m grateful. The home will always be yours, own it.

As you get to meet and associate with people, never compare yourself with them. Listen, all fingers aren't equal. The life you had was far better than that of others. Not so long ago, I got to realize that the torn and sewn uniforms you were shy of wearing were direly needed by others. The variety of footwear your friends had made you cave in because you had one to zero. You cried numerous times about wearing slippers and carrying rice bags to school. Did you know that they envied your brilliance and intelligence? They wished they could read, speak, write, and be loved by your teachers the way you had it. Do you understand now that there is no need for a comparison? Your life is just as perfect as the way it should be. Focus on the most important things.

Wholeheartedly, acknowledge that mistakes are part of life. You aren't a failure for making mistakes. You are neither the first nor the last in this mistake making business. Every mistake you made was an opportunity for growth and capacity building. Nobody is perfect, don't be too hard on yourself. Tomorrow, get up and move on. Don’t lie there hopeless like a fried egg in freshly baked wheat bread. Until you get it right, don’t stop.

Again, make room for growth and development as early as possible. You realized the need to pursue growth at age 20, not bad at all, trust me. Besides, I don't blame you for not developing that mindset earlier. You started well with reading since Mom literally forced it down your throat. It slipped smoothly into your habit like “Akple” with “Fetri Detsi” sliding effortlessly down your throat. Unfortunately, you stopped in your teenage years. The consequences are largely felt by me today. I resumed it a few years ago though. You should read, listen, ask questions, watch videos, and attend seminars among others. Desire knowledge and acquire useful skills. Your aim should be to become too good to be ignored.

Baby Girl, in order to be relevant in life, you must identify your potentials and strengths and build on them. Honestly, you were so concerned about your weaknesses that you didn't even realize your strengths. You focused more on what you couldn't do such that your potential had no space to develop. Please, don’t repeat such a grave mistake again.

Similarly, embrace your uniqueness. Wear it like a crown and flaunt it before the world. Own who you are and own your story. Tell your story the way you want it to be told. Otherwise, others will tell it on your behalf with many lies. People will dislike you for who you are but pay no attention to them. In the entire universe, you are the only one with the specific details you possess. From your physical body features to your entire make-up; your personality, mindset, voice, walking style, fashion sense, smile, manner of speech, and many more. People might copy you and try to be like you. You shouldn’t be bothered because they can never be you. There will always be something to bring out the distinction. The black dot on your upper lip is even enough.

Sweet Girl, with everything I have within me, I advise you to appreciate what you have. Appreciate life, the people in your life, family, and all the moments you spend with loved ones. If you can recall, back in Senior High School, you were happy whenever the date of resumption approached. Yet, it was a bitter pill to swallow whenever it was time to return home. Today, I miss the presence of home and family. Sometimes, all you need is a tap, a hug, a word of encouragement, and the presence of a loved one. If you have to show appreciation to someone, do it now. If you need to solve an issue with someone, now is the time. Don't postpone. If you have to say something that'll lift someone's soul up, say it now. The future is uncertain, people will die, people will leave, and things will be lost. Do it now. I wish I could turn back the clock. I really need to say “thank you” to the Aunty we lost recently. May her soul rest in peace.

In addition, learn how to move out of your comfort zone. Change is inevitable, Dear One. Learn to adapt to new environments and accept changes whenever they occur. “This is what I'm used to” and “this is how it's done” have never helped anyone to the best of my knowledge. Systems change, rules are altered, and even nature has different times and seasons. Take all the risks you can. Which is best; trying and succeeding or not trying at all? Even “atsomo” is broken by the teeth.

Nonetheless, there is everything right with saying no to people. If you're not interested in something, it's okay to say no to that offer. Don't be under pressure or duress to say yes because you don't want to step on people's toes. It didn't help me in any way. As well, be intentional and conscious about your life. Make conscious decisions and live intentionally. If something doesn't align with your principles and beliefs, be brave to discard it. Confidently let people go if they don't want to be with you as a result. It's your life, live it to your satisfaction.

Most importantly, don't take everything too personal. Everything is not about you, Sweetheart. People will say all sorts of things about you anyway. Live your life. You'll hear hurting words and very sweet ones too. Know which to keep and which to trash. Don't take everything to heart. You might buy a heart attack for yourself and die early. For no reason, you'll be treated badly and unfairly. Don't take it to heart, it's not your fault. Humans will forever remain humans, anyway. Just let them be who they are. Your heart was always on fire because you didn't understand these things. It's alright, you do now. Do the correction.

Baby, it's alright to cry, it doesn't make you weak. It is okay to ask for help when you need it. Don't ever suffer in silence again. Speak out and ask for help. It's not a bad thing after all. A problem shared, is a problem half solved, they say. No one will come to your aid if they don't know you need help. There are still good people out there who are willing to help genuinely. Just find them.

To crown it all, Sweetheart, always remember the WHY. The dreams and goals that push you into the spaces you find yourself should not be lost. Keep the torch on until they are fulfilled. Don't compromise, don't give up for any reason, and don't be lazy. You were born for a purpose, and you are still alive for a purpose. You find yourself at where you are for a reason. Make sure to identify your WHY and work hard at accomplishing it.

Finally, I want to applaud you for your love for God from a very young age. You certainly didn't understand what you were doing, but you did it with all your strength. You didn't know this God too well but you held onto Him with a strong faith despite all the mockery and nicknames you were called. Now, I have grown so much and have gained a deeper knowledge and better understanding of God. It would have been a different case if you didn't lay the foundation. I owe it all to you.

There are many other things to pen down. But then, it is impossible to say it all. Staying away from people who don't value and appreciate you, surrounding yourself with positive minded and like-minded people, not awakening love until you're ready to keep it awake, being good to people without expecting anything in return, bracing yourself for disappointments and not expecting too much from people, among others are all in the queue but I would like to end here. When we meet at the next stage, I will continue.

It’s a huge relief to finally share the few lessons I have been privileged to learn on this journey with you. Now, I can move on to the next level with conviction that your path is brighter. Keep these words faithfully. Repeat them to your brain as often as you drink water. I’m here to hold your hand through it all. See you at the top.

With lots of love,

Dorcas Elinam d’Aura

Your Older Self.’