I think beginning anything is easy for some and difficult for others. But ending it is difficult for us all. I hope I will be able to finish writing this letter for you.

It is our birthday tomorrow. Today I am reminded of all the scars that I have; the wounds that you had to heal and keep from festering. My dread for my birthday is one of the scars that remind me of the pains you went through. It's a reminder of how wise you grew up to be.

I realize now that I don't particularly love being congratulated but I love celebrating and sharing my joy with others. I wish I could get the birthday cake without the song that comes with it. It seems strange to me, now that I say it, but that is how I feel. I don't know how to explain it to other people though. That I want them to show that they care and are interested without fussing about me.

But this letter isn't about me; it's about you. I want you to know that I still love you. That I do, in fact, love you more than I have ever before. But I still don't know how to write love letters, so this isn't one :-).

I am proud of you; proud of the choices that you made. I feel fortunate and grateful that you had great intuition and empathy that early in life. I am sorry about all the things that ached your heart. I wish I could dry all the tears you'd cry at night.

If I could go back in time, and advice you, I would tell you that relationships aren't something to be easily let go of. You should act more than reacting when in them. Losing to death forced you to learn how to let go, yet it was never to teach you that letting go was the ultimate way to live your life. If I had a chance, only one chance , I would remind you of this tirelessly and as many times as it would be necessary.

I would tell you of how I loved your sincere and strong faith, the way you sought and found laughter when things seemed to be falling apart and how you smiled in spite of the pain. I know very seldom you smiled to hide the pain but mostly it was genuine and because you knew it could have just made someone else's day a bit better.

I wish I could let you know that you do not have to figure everything out. That the road forward is incomprehensible. At times it will feel like your worst nightmare and other times your best fairytale. And sometimes, even the silence seems to stab; though it is rightly said that words cut deeper than the sword.

The love that God has shown us, you and I, leaves me with a gratitude that words fail to express. And that love is the reason I love you more than ever before. It is teaching me how to love myself better and, in turn, how to love you better as you are a part of me.

I am grateful to the One who created us. I am sending my love to you. Happy birthday my love, it is now 00:20. I will see you in the mirror when I wake up again. In the deep ocean of my eyes, in the music you made me fall in love with and the music I grew to love and in the memories that I cherish with all my heart.

THE LORD IS MAKING A GARMENT OF US. WITH EVERY STITCH AND CUT HE MAKES, WE GROW AND ARE ALTERED. AND EVEN THOUGH THIS PROGRESS SEEMS SO DIFFERENT NOW: THE CLOTHS, CUTS AND STITCHES WILL ALWAYS TELL THE STORY OF HOW THE FINAL GARMENT WAS MADE.

With love

Progressing towards Garment.