I deserve better. I'm like, super sure of that. | By Mariam Yusuff | Crowdpen

Hiyaa Proxyyy,

I'm writing this literally few hours before the deadline. Typical us, right? Don't even pretend you're surprised.

I know you're probably not going to read this till like June but yea, I'll still act nice. So how are you? And how's your day going?

I'm here trying to remember the first time we met, I didn't even know your name before then. Lol, obviously. 😅😅 Until my sister and I had a fight and she told me. But that's by the way.

You know I've always loved your presence. Those times when my alarm rings and you whisper, ‘Just five more minutes.’ Or when we leave everything until the last minute and activate our legendary ‘deadline mode.’ 😎😎You know, that mode, when our brain tells our body to just "do the task". That adrenaline rush? OhmiiiiiGod. 😆😆

And one beautiful thing about us is that no matter how many chores mom instructs us before leaving the house, we always get things done. Even after binge-watching two hundred and twenty two episodes of anime and one hundred and one-ty one pastry videos on YouTube. Mehn! We make such a great combo.🥳🥳

Remember that term paper last semester? We started it like 6pm, 7pm? The night to the deadline. There was me fueled by biscuits, water and pure terror. And you calmly whispering, "It's fine, we're gonna get it done". And done we did! We pulled it off with a massive A.

You always love it when we get things done in the littlest times. Doesn't matter how many anime episodes we've watched, that alarm has to get snoozed. "Deadline mode" is our super power... or so we thought.

So Proxyyyy, I'm sorry but I can't do this anymore. No, it's not what you're thinking, you overthinking marshmallow. 😔Look, I love our combo and I like that you're always sticking by me and telling me to take things easy but... But I don't like how everything is always a mess.

It's not even just about the mess anymore. It's about my life. I'm tired of feeling like I'm always chasing deadlines and playing catch-up; like I'm never reaching my full potential.

I don't like that I snooze my alarms. Okay, I like that but I don't like that I do it all the time.

I love rest and I love chilling but I'm going into a phase where I need a lot of self-discipline. I have dreams, Proxyyy, big dreams! 🥹🥹 And you're holding me back. I’m tired. Tired of the sleepless nights, the constant anxiety, and the guilt that follows every ‘just five more minutes.’ I deserve better, and so do you.

I met Discipline last week, and she's just... different. 🥺🥺 She's got this calm, focused energy that draws me closer. She showed me a world without anxiety, where I can actually enjoy the process of working towards my goals. It's scary, but it's also supperrrr appealing. And I think Discipline and I are going to make a better combo.

Because the truth is, deadlines make me anxious.

So this is it, Proxyyy. Our final good bye. I'm walking away, and I'm not looking back. This isn't a maybe. I know what you're thinking but no, we cant "stay" as friends. This is a clean break. I'm choosing myself, my future. Goodbye, Procrastination. It's been... chaotic.

I'm actually serious this time, you know I only call your full name when I'm dead serious.

Farewell, my chaotic ex-companion. Hopefully, you don't find someone else to enable your mischief. As for me, I’ll be over here, working on time. I’ll even clean my room.

PS: You know that fight with my sister? Turns out, she was right all along. Thanks for all the... delay. And the picture? That's me and Discipline.

Yours (not anymore),