Dear my younger self, I know after that night where all you could hear was the screams of your mother asking, “why?” it felt like a cavern opened up in your chest; the heart you had that was once so innocent was thrashed and torn, beyond repair. I know the feeling of walking around in the world, knowing that you aren't truly there. It is pain no one should have to endure but I promise everything worked out okay. One day you can tell your mum that you're okay and you can throw away the blades, and you will mean it. Not everyday will have fog so thick you can't see and inch into the future.
One day your life will be filled with incomparable joy that makes you smile so wide your mum will ask, “why do you look so mischievous?”. One day you will tell her that you have found love in a world you once thought was so cruel that there was no love left in it, and that will make her smile too. The love that you will feel all around you clears the fog, and you can sigh in relief. The heart wrenching feeling in your chest become less and less as you learn to love yourself instead of relying on those who should have loved you. One day you will look back on that Christmas day and not relive all that you lost, but instead you will revel in what you learnt.